Tag: journal

Well, it seems that for the life of me, I am just completely unable to get a job in this world. It doesn’t matter how complicated or uncomplicated it is. Something is severely amiss about my identity. I have no criminal record or background and yet I am being discriminated against for employment almost anywhere that I go.

I remember spending a lot of time learning about civil rights and the United Nations creating equal opportunity for all Americans and yet, for some reason, it seems like the smarter you are the harder it is to find entry level work. Maybe if I was rich I wouldn’t be in this situation but because all the low level jobs won’t allow me to achieve employment I will never be able to break through the barrier to higher level jobs. I honestly feel like my best bet is just a cardboard sign and begging.

Luckily I have this website, and I will work on it some more and get it fleshed out on a couple of different avenues, then I will send out to google whether or not I can be approved for advertising on the website itself. That should net me like a dollar or two a month hopefully. I need to get more traffic generated on the site but it would seem that I am permanently unable to get a facebook account again after deleting both of mine, I was reading around and their policy says that you only get one account per lifetime so I guess since that I have deleted it I can never use facebook again. Honestly that’s a double edged sword because I will never see the insanity rampant upon that platform again but also I will never be able to use it to grow my audience again either.

Lamely enough I will have to spend some time social engineering and gathering different social media platforms and then creating a dispatch game-plan so that I can submit new content en masse, or one by one, to each of the different social media platforms. I am so 50/50 about that because I really don’t enjoy social media as a whole that much because it usually just turns into an echo chamber, and I have to waste precious mental power learning these silly little systems for growth on each one and what is the limit on sharing and growing too fast, etc…

Luckily I have the most epic Mother, she is going to help me take care of my digital costs, which should allow me to not be stressed about things as well as perpetuate my website so my work is not in vain. It would really not be prudent to put a lot of work into this endeavor just to have it cave in on itself the next month when I have no money to prevent it. I am still going to be looking for work of course, “Earn and Learn with Texas” seems like a legitimate avenue, hopefully they have something to do with physics like hvac or electrical work, that way I can get a head start on the field I most want to work in. My ultimate goal is to work at CERN at a large hadron collider. I would love to be near an elementary particle, I do believe it has a massive metaphysical boon about it.

The worst part about not being able to get work is that I have always wanted to travel the world and I can’t even scrounge up enough to get my passport fulfilled, let alone a ticket on a plane or lodging anywhere. I am totally fine with being homeless in another country, I just don’t know whether or not they allow foreigners visiting their countries to do so. Also I would rather live in another country other than the United States at this point due to their blatant discrimination against people and the deprivation of my civil rights under color of law in general. It’s hard to prove you are being persecuted by your own country, which is the only reason I haven’t tried to just flee over to Canada.

Anywho, I have to study mathematics still, trying to find time to do my website is a pain when I also wish to master maths. AI helps a lot but I don’t let it write my journal entries, I only like to use it to elaborate on things and try to keep it mostly human, but some things are just better written via the format inquisition and response. Like the Socratic method on roids if you ask me. I also need to check out googles policies on AI generated content in general so that I am ensuring best practices and don’t have my ads account revoked or some sort. I hope whoever is reading this has a beautiful day, and god bless you…Pray for me please.

Usually I start my mornings off with lots of math work, lately at least, in the past I pretty much just read the bible and played video games. Well, I got pretty tired of just wasting my time on the video game, though I wasn’t doing solely that but I knew my time would be better spent doing other things. I chose to read books and remaster all the fields of mathematics in my mind. New ideas from books, and as far as mathematics go…I spent a lot of time trying to learn new languages for the simple fact that after having learned Latin I grew immensely smarter, and understood things a lot more intuitively as well. In general I was more able to achieve whatever I set out to do. Hard to define past empiricism but for me, learning Latin was a profound experience for my academic career.

Back to why I chose mathematics, It is simply because due to being to understand things more intuitively after learning Latin, I believe there is some sort of metaphysical value in cognizing and understanding different languages. I can prove this simply because if one has a vocabulary that is lack-luster and self defeating, they usually will find themselves being that exact person. Whereas, generally cheery people and motivated speakers maintain their repertoire in their behaviour and mannerisms, though they may fall off sometimes, it is not like the other whos embodiment is self defeating before it begins. So for Latin, all the educated folks since the 1700s to about the 1960s were using the language to convey the higher ideals in all the avenues of science. When I learned Latin, I knew so much about the people who shaped the intellectual world I had grown up knowing without ever having to study or gather more information upon them or their conceptions, believe me or not, this is truth.

Based on this I spent a large time trying to figure out a language that would do the same for me again and I had decided Chinese and Japanese would be best because it is essentially a hieroglyphic system used by some of the smartest people on the planet currently and not a dead language. The Kanji system is also very ancient and has a rich rich history, such as Latin. So I am hoping to get the same kind of kick out of that. That reasoning there, is also why I am choosing to remaster mathematics. Some would say that it is the language of God, it is absolutely precise, and mixing it up definitely causes the entire scope of what your speaking about to change in most cases with a few exceptions. I figure that if I study Kanji and Mathematics, I will get access to a wild new world both metaphorically and precisely, which I think will be super awesome, but I won’t know till I get there.

The only negative thing about language learning and studying in general is that you realize just how ignorant most people are and it truly limits who you will interact with in general. I really don’t kin with most Americans, especially because their latent xenophobia is entirely counter-thetic to my own beliefs. I really don’t understand the gall of them when the United States is entirely a borrowed body of culture, it really can’t be said that we invented our own culture but that we have evolved by borrowing the culture of all the world. To be xenophobic in my mind is to betray the principle fundamentals of which this country was based upon. This is not an endorsement to allow people to come into the country willy-nilly, this is a peaceful country and people with terroristic ideals won’t make it here nor is our culture compatible with people who try to rule through force. This country is based on the rational dialectics used in ancient Greece and the subjugation of peoples via the culture of Rome. Rule with a sturdy hand, but be open to scrutiny.

I seem to be about ready to jump into Calculus soon, I redid all the fundamentals thus far. Now that I am here, I really am realizing just how small the mathematics field is. I really had thought there was a lot more substance there, but really it is extremely small in terse and terms, especially compared to common spoken languages around the world. I’m not complaining though, because it will be very easy to manipulate many a things, using just a small instruction set. Honestly my mind feels a lot more organized in general and my thoughts are much easier to catalouge subconsciously I would wager. So hoping I reach the end of Maths soon, I know how to program and a large section of mechanics and computer science already, so it really doesn’t surprise me that so much of mathematics comes mostly naturally to me. Sometimes of sitting in anguish trying to think a solution out, I really think the more you struggle at it the easier it is to remember. Kinda like you can remember the bad things that happened on a vacation because they seemed to take so much longer before you got into all the breezy fun things.

I guess I will try to flesh my site out more, maybe I will spend Saturdays solely working on it. Back to this morning, the internet was down at the library, so I decided to shake it up. This seems to be what I chose to do so I will probably continue to do so on Saturdays. I also am catching up on all my “watch laters” on Youtube. Seems like a good shake up. Most of the time I read books or work on mathematics every single day, this will be a good change.

A nutrition section will probably be the best place to start for me, I just finished up with Chemistry and Biology on Khan Academy, so I have a pretty solid foundation. I also studied Physiology for about 2 years while I was trying to fix my own paralysis so I have learned quite a lot about what is true and what isn’t. I really just want to build a large audience so that I can earn some extra income, I have had issues trying to find work in general. It also doesn’t really appeal to me to spend all my time at a job in the first place so this would be a superior option. When I get done with Mathematics I will try my hand at tutoring, I can turn a large part of my website into a tutoring area easily, and probably will be able to save worksheets I can dispatch to my clients via a login portal and easily get client feedback and work with them one by one via this as well. I probably will make a section about tutoring resources on here to help remember and get indexed as a tutor in general.

I think also, for my own resources, it may be the best option to simply create pages with all the links I use in general, regardless if I add more to it or not. I really like using this system as a super note taking app because I don’t have to agree with the innate structure for the most part and am free to experiment with different structures. It’s like Obsidian honestly, but I think this honestly is way more organized. The only thing I’m not gonna enjoy is the excess seo optimization. The site in general is secure and the hardware it runs on which is ultimately more important to me. I think I need to close port 80 on the servers firewall still, so I am going to do that right after this. Port 80 is an unsecured http protocol unlike port 443 which is ssl encrypted/https. I have ssl encryption so you don’t have to worry about any snooping, which is what happens on port 80, people can monitor port 80 easily and capture peoples information, so don’t ever put your information into a non ssl encrypted/https site.

That or I am going to finish up writing my flash cards on Anki, maybe I will sell the flashcard packs for a dollar per textbook, I can list free textbooks out for people to use that accompany them. I also was thinking about reviewing my read books, and then using an affiliate book selling program and selling the books to people via my website. I probably should make a list of all the heroes in relation to a classical education and try and sell their books too by proxy, even though people can get them for free. Honestly, if someone wants to pay for one it might as well be me that gets paid for it. I’ll just see it as an act of charity.

I never know what word to start off an entry with to be honest, when I look back I see that I use “alright” a lot so the first thing I do is try to not use alright lol. I literally have struggled with that my entire life, I was told at an early age that no one wants to read the same words over and over again so it’s really important to me that I try to keep some sum of variance in my writings in general. Though, every fiber of my being would just love to start out with “Alright, so, …” I really can’t help it but maybe I can push it out of me with more practice.

My mom is the best to be honest, and if you think your mom is better than mine I would tell you not to compare but I would be so very happy for you that you know what it is like to have a beautiful woman who loves you past physical motivations and beyond that which is selfish and wholly unselfish. Honestly when I think of the wonderful love my mother has given me I see that I fall utterly short of the kind of beauty she has in her heart but at the same time, I am glad that I know such a thing and I aspire to be a better person every-time she graces me with her presence. I have been trying to talk to her more often simply because it renews my mind, and reminds me of the wonderful things life has to offer in general. I can really only thank God for putting such great women in my life. My mom is the best woman in my life, my Grandma was the second, my Granee is the third, and my Aunt is the fourth. I think it is really funny how love without sexual expectation is just in general more wholesome and unselfish. I honestly wish I could be in the same scope of mind as the fantastic women God has put in my life. If I could find a wife half as good as them I would be a blessed man.

Speaking of God, I don’t really have an explanation for the kind of “coincidences” that take place in my life other than attributing them to an omnipotent force that sees all and judges rightly. Far from being the only instance of such amazing-ness I have experienced this little sequence of concomitances. So I have of course been studying very hard to try and become an “Electricians Apprentice” and have every skill I need for it other than mathematical precision. I probably could enter the apprenticeship now but if my algebra skills are top notch I will simply be paid for school instead of having to pay for it.

Well, I have made a lot of breakthroughs in mathematics in general lately and this is where the strange happenstances begin. I was wondering just how one could intrinsically understand the language of mathematics better, and I decided that perhaps proof writing is the best way to get there. As I was reading one of the books it talked about different steps of mathematical literacy, thus being some semblance of learning takes place in stages being how, where, and why. That you can know how and where to use equations but seldom does any student understand the why of how it works or the why of where it works. Well, I can’t articulate just the kind of gene’s equ that that entails unless you know why either. The miracle isn’t in that but in this, I had also decided I would read the great epics that had been suggested to me instead of playing video games or trying to watch film in my time outside of my study hours. I read the first volume of “The Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy” and finished “1984” and oh my god, if they didn’t also just perfectly encapsulate the same mathematical proofs over and over again, just as my proof textbook had outlined, then I would be a liar.

Really that last paragraph doesn’t do justice to how fascinating that is simply because I also don’t want to potentially spoil the wonder one may find about the about-ness of the same walk should they be on that path too. If you want to pick up the math textbook yourself it’s called “Proofs A Long-Form Mathematics Textbook” by “Jay Cummings”. I also had the thing with the money happen, and you could probably chunk this up to data science and echo chambers, but the content I see in general always, always adapts to the things I am pondering in my mind, not so much as algorithmic and catering towards such, but more so like a constant surveillance where everything is accounted for and everything unfolds in general to accommodate my learning step by step. Such as, when I study the mathematics in general, I really have no clue what the right thing to do next is or the prerequisite and its’ antecedents, and yet, without fail, I always seem to stumble into exactly that. I learned a long time ago that people will waste their whole lives trying to learn a single thing because they have no scope of the entire field, and the opposite unfolds for me all the time. Someone told me this parable, there was a man that spent five weeks using a shovel to set up his fence and was awfully proud of his hard work, but it was a waste of time as well, his neighbor had better tools and set up his fence in a week. Just because you think you are working hard, doesn’t mean you aren’t wasting your time. That is why it is so important to scope a situation out. That has always been a focus of mine, and due to my pursuit of such scopes, and trust in God, it is as if such things unfold naturally for me at this point. The other strange thing in my own empirical evidence, was my discovery of AI and tools that allow you to scour through datasets for information in general. I was reading genesis in Latin, and then reading about how Abraham was told to destroy a city, and he said but lord, what if there are 30 good people there, would you spare them? “Yes”, he replied,. “And if there were 25?” “Yes” he replied, all the way down to about 10-15(these numbers are probably off by the way), it was this method of inquiry that in my mind made the last block to the theoretics of how AI would work in general and the very next day someone taught me about “Chat-GPT” and Google Scholar in the same hand.

Reading the bible in Latin, by the way, is much different than the english translation, there is a lot left out of the English translation. I do believe the Greek is the most concise for the “New Testament” but when we consider that Latin is/was the learned language in all higher education during the intellectual renaissance during and after the medieval period, and was considered required learning until about the 1960s, there is another metaphysical layer to be clearly observed and experienced with its study. Not to mention, it is essentially the mother tongue of the modern English as well as various European Dialects. Technically it is German, which is no surprise when we consider the Romans fulfilled the biblical prophecies, as well as the Nazi party which referred to themselves as the “Third Reich” the first Reich, being the “Holy Roman Empire”, the Germans having killed 6 million Jews and buying the land of Israel with their blood by proxy, is in fact another old testament prophecy being fulfilled.

Honestly it’s a fun little game. I don’t endorse Nazism by the way, however to be ignorant of such is quite clearly to the detriment of society, it is an amazing cornerstone, thus being rejected by all, and a testament to human ability and belief and just what such things are capable of. Beyond good and evil is the penultimate truth of the bible, those who cling to such ideals are quite ignorant of truth in general. Hard to accept for a lot of people, and that is because they refuse to take themselves out of a personal perspective and see things as a whole. It is usually why I won’t pity people who have harmed themselves excessively and blame others for it, such as a lot of so called “political activists” these days. They have absolutely no idea how to make change and they think that screaming their demands is a way to somehow dismantle the systems that oppress them, instead of learning of what such things are and trying to dismantle them. Quite clearly if their demands were satisfied things would be in much worse shape in general because it is like giving a child whatever it wants and wondering why it has diabetes and is dying.

I highly suggest reading “1984”.. Some less learned folks would consider the ending as the proper place to be, but that is not being conveyed, it was his betrayal of his love and his principles that cause him to die, and not live, to beg for death and welcome it. It was not liberation, it was the death of his soul, and the subjugation of his will to that of those who wished to control the physical and psychical world.I really shan’t ever take for granted the classical education I received in life. I see this new generation very close to mental retardation in general, and I honestly believe that the government will just holocaust them all at some point, there is no way to sustain them and sustain truth and technology as it is. They would be very easy to replace at this point, and they will likely force them to test their abilities. Without doubt they are using machine learning to find those who endorse “Brain Rot” and are targeting them for removal from society. To those saying that this is anti-christian just know that we are told to deliver you to satan in the first place, it is our place to judge, because you know not truth you have become inarticulate in it. Society won’t adapt to your stupidity, the basis is to kill you in mass, no matter how much you try and struggle in vain to change this metaphysically you will never come close to the power of mass genocide repeatedly throughout society, and you are simply not brave enough to ever gain that much power.

Anyways, beyond good and evil is the truth. The road to destruction is wide, but the way to heaven is narrow. Many will claim to have known Christ and he will reject them saying “I know ye not thy workers of iniquity, depart from me.” “The wicked will not inherit the kingdom of heaven”. Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life“. “No one comes to the Father except through me.” Also it says in the beginning that Jesus was the Word, the Word made flesh, so if you utter deceit, just know that you have denied Christ, and he has denied you.

The synchronicity I experienced today, was vehemently denying those who claim Christ yet, walk around like lunatics, expecting the juju majic that the old testament promises, when the prophets and Jesus said they were all whores and liars, the synagouge of satan. and as I attended service I got the verse of Luke10:3-5 “³ Go! I am sending you out like lambs among wolves. ⁴ Do not take a purse or bag or sandals; and do not greet anyone on the road.

⁵ “When you enter a house, first say, ‘Peace to this house.’ ⁶ If someone who promotes peace is there, your peace will rest on them; if not, it will return to you. ⁷ Stay there, eating and drinking whatever they give you, for the worker deserves his wages. Do not move around from house to house.

⁸ “When you enter a town and are welcomed, eat what is offered to you. ⁹ Heal the sick who are there and tell them, ‘The kingdom of God has come near to you.’ ¹⁰ But when you enter a town and are not welcomed, go into its streets and say, ¹¹ ‘Even the dust of your town we wipe from our feet as a warning to you. Yet be sure of this: The kingdom of God has come near.’ ¹² I tell you, it will be more bearable on that day for Sodom than for that town.”

Another day has past, I have given up trying to figure out why my background report caused me not to be able to get the job at the “Wood Group”. The fact remains thought it is indeed illegal that they did not let me get employed due to the fact that something was on my background that caused me not to get hired and they refused to give me a copy of the said background report. That is in fact against the law according to the “Fair Credit Reporting Act” (FCRA. I spoke to a lawyer about it for about 11 minutes and he told me that that in fact is the case, especially in Texas. Not a big deal though, I can’t really do much about it because I am poor. I couldn’t afford a lawyer if I wanted to. It really points out just how unjust our society here in the United States is in general, people could financially ruin you and the only way to defend yourself is with money, what an absolute joke of a mechanism.

Seems like the majority of the things in this country that are supposedly supposed to prop people up in society and protect them are in fact there to entrap and deprive people of their rights instead. It’s a lot like the house thing I was talking about with my Papa and all, people buy houses, are afraid to die, lose their inheritance to preserve their lives for a little longer, then everyone is left with nothing at all except the big fish who knew it in the first place. This is exactly why the church during medieval times banned usury in general because it is just financial predation, if you don’t know what usury is it’s sort of like this, and before I tell you let me tell you that it is exactly how the Jewish banking industry keeled over the “East India Trading Company” as well. Lets say we are both selling watermelons, I sell mine for 15 and you are selling yours’ for 25, of course, everyone is buying mine. so to compete, you start selling yours for 10, 5 dollars cheaper than mine. I buy up all your stock, and I sell the only watermelons in the area for 40. Pretty simple stuff, should be made illegal to be quite honest, no monopoly or big fish should be allowed to control the entire inventory of a product, especially in free market capitalism, sounds a bit counter-intuitive but this is the biggest failure in the laissez faire system as it stands.

I guess I am quite fortunate in general though, I got a text for another job interview tomorrow at Whataburger, and they are hiring on the spot. I just so happen to have my food handlers card ready to go for it, as well as, gonna digitize my resume so I can show them on my phone my work experience, I would print it if I were able to, but I lack the ten cents it costs to do so at the library, maybe I will find a quarter on the way home.

Speaking of finding money, I don’t think I mentioned it in my other posts, but the reason I was able to get the VPS launched which is what this website is hosted upon, up and active was that someone on my way home had given me 20$. I was really quite thankful and thanked him a few times and he just gave me a “Yeah, been there, done that”, which was to my great relief because it can be really awkward taking money from people sometimes. I am really glad for it though and truly thankful to him. The strangest part of it was that I was talking to my aunt who was giving me a ride to an interview that same day, and I was talking about if I just had 50$ I could get my website relaunched and running, and lo though it were less than 50% of it it was more than enough to get things going, and they should keep going for at least another 7 months. At which point I will need to get some more money, and a solid 25$ for my domain renewal. Hope that all pans out.

I’m not really sure how I will make money with the website to be honest, I may sell hypnosis tracks or affirmations. Maybe I will sell my flashcard packs, maybe do some affiliate marketing for books. I should at least review the books I have read. I really don’t want to spoil them though, I would like to affiliate sell them, but not sure how that works without spoiling it to review it lol, perhaps I shall ask chat gpt about the methodology that would work and inquire further until I have a good blueprint to test out.

I set up all my backup scripts and stuff already so I will be able to migrate my site to another server if something happens such as not being able to fund it further. The backup size was less than 100MB and I hope it stays that way, I will let you know tomorrow if I remember, if it has changed. I installed some more plugins onto the site since the last time I backed it up so I’m not certain if it will be that way when I back it up tonight. The best part is I can easily store the backups on a cloud server and just zip it with a pass-code, which is probably best practice if I want to protect my keys.

I have been reading the book 1984 and it is absolutely amazing, I really suggest anyone should read it, it talks about a world where thought crime is illegal and everything is ran by one party who is constantly at war with two other countries, neither at the same time always only one. It points how people erase the past by depriving people of their humanity and forcing them to speak the way they want to speak. I have run into a lot of people like that, the book would call them thought-police, essentially nazi’s who say you have to walk and talk a certain way otherwise your corrupting the youth. Funny thing is the majority of people who act like that are fantastically stupid in general, of course you would have to be stupid, if you preach ignorance as a basis of society. That just happens to be one of the three slogans of the party in the book too “IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH” I believe it was… I need to read some more great books in general to be honest, reading that book has helped me cope a lot to be quite honest, I can see now that it is just ignorant zealots trying to, well, I don’t know what they think they’re doing, because to me they are just burying their heads in the sand.

Today I remade my website, finally got enough for a vps and decided it was within my best interest to go ahead and try and get a website going. I saw a couple different ways to monetize myself via this and having a dynamic web-server will allow me to embed a lot of web traffic and also build a large audience between things. Those things being things I haven’t as of yet created however this net will enmesh all.

Friday of this last week I went to go to a job interview, it seemed to have gone really well and I probably would have gotten it but it seems my background report didn’t clear for some reason and for another reason the person will not allow me to have a copy of that background report, which is in fact illegal. I am trying right now to get my hands on an attorney to get access to it or possibly sue them in order to get a copy of it and amend whatever is written on there. I have a sneaking suspicion a malicious ex employer has added false things to it and if that’s the case I’ll sue them as well. For a lawyer it’s just free money so for them it should be a pretty easy win.

I honestly could care less, most of the labor market is for schmucks anyways, I really have an excuse to beg people now as well so I guess my days of wage slavery are finally over anyways. Blessings in disguise. Maybe I will inherit a lot of money from this debacle anyways, don’t enjoy spending any of my time doing this though.

Anyways, pretty cool to have a website going again. I was talking to my brother and he seemed to not understand much about nutrition just the fad diets and stuff so I am going to use the actual sciences of chemistry and biology to help people not eat terribly and actually improve their body. Hopefully I can dispel a lot of myths that exist due to the psuedo-scientific and capitalistic crowd. Lots of people selling snake-oil these days.

Total pain in the butt trying to get in contact with a pro-bono lawyer, I don’t know how they expect people to get legal help when they are being attacked in their pockets in the first place. I was also thinking about just documenting all of this and filing for refuge status in a United Nations country. This country has been discriminating against me for a long while as it is already. I really don’t have much respect for the institutions in this country anymore as they are no longer for the people but rather run by the rich instead. I guess I have actually been being ganstalked by big tech for a while now, not really much I can do about it other than prove it. Won’t be very hard to do in a little while.

Once I finish learning all the things I want to I plan on fleeing the country anyways. Too many people know my business where I don’t speak a word of it to anyone, clearly I am being stalked and harassed by people. They have pushed silly conspiracy theories to try and explain it such as saying that it’s telepathy or that its because of my thoughts, but I am a follower of Christ so the fairy tale explanations don’t cut it, we don’t lie around here. The logical explanation is that I am being stalked by big tech, and lots of their lackeys are in on it too. Machine learning allows peoples thoughts to be read and transmitted to others, but the thoughts that they are receiving are not mine at all, just their own average data, and I am not an average person. A machine could never learn how I think or the contents of my thoughts, so they have resorted to a besmirch-ment campaign.

I really don’t think I am going to try and get a job to be honest, I probably am just gonna get a cardboard sign and beg up 100 dollars or so for the next few months. I have a legitimate excuse to beg, it sucks that a person doesn’t commit any crime his whole life then suddenly, some vindictive brat decides to try and destroy your life. It’s not the first time though, lots of the homeless people around here are the exact same way. I am pretty much immune to the crap at this point though. The employees of the city do the same things as well. Truly sad but also its really hilarious to me because they are obsessed with something that is entirely a work of fiction.

If people would stop running from reality then they would not be involved in the lies surrounding my life, and everyone who approaches me trying to talk to me about it I throw in the trash because that’s where they dwell, in rubbish. Wisdom has no relationship with foolishness and I really don’t have sympathy for schizo conspiracy theories even if the people are trying to destroy me with it. If everyone jumps off the cliff I won’t join them. The easiest thing to do is just keep collecting skills and being self reliant so they can’t deprive me of any of my civil liberties in general. I really hope someone from a foreign country helps to take me out of here. I really want to learn Chinese so I can emigrate over there, I’m sure that China will own the United States one day anyways so it’s a winning move.

Alright so I totally took quite a few sat tests today via “Khan Academy”, using the advanced math sat practice. I did two in a row and almost got 100% on them both so I can say that algebra is finally starting to make some intrinsic sense to me. Super excited about that because I need to master it to move further forward in all my intellectual pursuits at the moment. I also really want to be an electrician and solid algebra is a requirement for it.

I finished in “Honor of Kings” at grandmaster 22 stars, it dropped me down into diamond 1 so I gotta climb all the way up through master 4-1 before I get back in. Last night when I was playing I was getting the absolute worst teammates game after game, I think I had a 50% win rate after 5 games. Today however, I have won 5 in a row so it made up for it. My teams were totally impeccable, no one dying, just keeping our advantages without all the cocky play that low elo players often do. There were two trolls though, people in the garbage tiers seem to think its ok to play an adc top, not realizing it’s a team game and not only them. You have to have someone tanky or a fighter top lane so that you can protect your actual designated carries otherwise there is no way to compete against the enemy team because the composition will simply collapse. Anyways, I am going to get to grandmaster for the third season in a row without much difficulty I assume.

They totally buffed my main champion “MIlady”. Before she was buffed she had minions that would fight for her then expire, but now when they expire they combine into level 2 ones, and level 3 ones if it’s at all possible. The damage of the minions was buffed pretty largely too. So I have been easily winning lane, and being able to stand against the foe when my team is behind. I also have been playing the adc “Meng Ya” and he has a huge team presence via his ult which works like artillery and allows you to target large swathes of the map and contribute to teamfights even if you need to farm or apply lane pressure for map control.

Anyways I have just been on my mathematics grind, I have a pretty good schedule mapped out right now for getting further in it. I wish I had some better math music to listen to though, I want a vetted playlist that teachers use for teaching in their classes that way I KNOW for a fact that the songs have efficacy. Right now I have a handful of songs probably 200 but some of them are clearly just parodies and have no innate value for cognizance. Haven’t really delved into reddit forums so that’s likely my next step in the matter.

I wanted to watch a bunch of short movies for the mental affiliation and expansion via introducing new ideals into my perception, however, with the end of season on “Honor of Kings” I will likely be more into the ranked grind until I get to grandmaster before I resume it. Maybe I will just dedicate at least an hour to consuming the media, I don’t know yet. It’s a really hard balancing act between effective study and play time for me. I want to hit so many scopes that keep me healthy that at times it seems that there is a lot on my plate, even though my mood is always calm, for the most part. Stress and learning don’t mix. I don’t mix with people who try to stress other people out either. I think it’s just a developmental disorder anyways to try and stress others out. Honestly poor them because they were clearly abused their whole lives.

Like I said big plate, not certain the game plan, still need to copulate myself some poetry and physical therapy regiments. Just not sure what hours I should dedicate to them, I don’t really enjoy a set schedule in the first place and like to keep my mind dynamic so I don’t know. Now that I’m writing it and can think of it a bit better, maybe I will just select an hour for each subject, maybe two hours, choosing only one subject a day, and then do the next subject for two hours the next day etc.

I have a job interview with “The Wood Group” tomorrow, I hope it goes well and I get the job. I probably will because I have a lot of experience as a mental health tech in the first place and in psychology in general. I’m not certain if it’s a crazy house or an old folks home yet, I guess I’ll know tomorrow. I would have had a job interview today, but I don’t have any transportation to get there and the times were a bit impossible for me to maneuvre. The only reason I am able to get to this job interview today is because my aunt is gonna take me over there until I finish up, god bless her honestly, she has constantly been there for me when I needed it. I try to make very sure I don’t overstep my bounds with her, mostly because she is already so busy and I don’t want her to stretch herself too thin trying to help me out too.

She just got done taking care of my Papa who was degrading, until his recent death on April 15th of 2025. Luckily they were able to sell his house in order to cover all his medical bills, I guess that’s just the way the system has tried to set people up, buy a house, get in medical debt to stay alive just a little longer, then lose your families inheritance while you die. Honestly something better needs to exist because that is an obvious scam. If people weren’t so afraid of death it would be easier to manage, almost impossible for anyone to try and be that brave though.

His funeral was this last Saturday, on the 17th of April 2025. It was a pretty nice affair, I got to meet up with all my family members and stuff and got to hang around all the grand-kids, I really enjoyed hanging out with my brother more than everyone else this time around though. There were your typical speeches, life in review, friends speaking about their memories. I never really get terribly sad about death because I just see it as an unknown and new things are always exciting to me.

Alright so I really want to get back into creative writing as well as express my thoughts more eloquently. So hopefully writing everyday will help keep better words in the fluidity of my expression.

It’s honestly very hard to create a creative cycle journey as there are only so many hours in the day. I would like to embellish my more creative aspects but at the current time I am using a lot of my mental focus to try and remaster mathematics again.

Being a language of precision I figured that if I want to get excessively good at language learning in general then mathematics is definitely the best language to learn. I have also been spending some time learning Japanese, with a hope that I will be able to learn Chinese very easily with it.

The only reason I don’t study Chinese directly is because the “Great Firewall of China” seems to severely limit the amount of information I can find about learning their language and being unable to find much media online to learn from. Also I have had difficulty finding any kind of kids books or music with which to learn via immersion. So I am hoping instead to be able to learn the Japanese system as they are much more public and open and immerse myself in that culture, then when I have mastered the kunyomi of the kanji that then the onyomi will be easier to decipher.

Japanese also has a lot more free technological tools with which to help comprehend the language faster and with more precision. Chinese is hard in general because I can’t find too much in the form of pronunciation due to the lack of tools.

I have also begun to try and watch some short films at the end of the day, figure I will get some new ideas or visit some new places essentially via cinema. I like the shorter films because a 2 hour movie just doesn’t really grip my attention anymore. Learning in English 4 the outline of how a story progresses makes modern films extremely predictable and I have already seen so many that I can predict what’s going to happen within the first 15 minutes most of the time. Two hours is also a very long time to spend watching a movie that might turn out to be mediocre, whereas, movies around 10-30 minutes progress much more rapidly and usually, they experiment with different story telling structures making them a lot harder to predict. The other added benefit is that if I want to share a movie with someone the time sink isn’t so large that they won’t want to watch it, thus giving me more opportunity to discuss the films that I enjoy.

Music and affirmations, a constant, I’m not sure what I’m going for at the moment, I was on a memory stint for a long time, but I am about maxed out on my understanding of comprehension and self-study efficacy, it’s just a matter of committing and staying the course of whichever thing I want to learn. I find it pretty funny that my “Youtube” feed constantly likes to try and fill itself with study parameters and videos on study efficacy, though when I watch, seldom will I find anything new. “Fluent Forever” was one of the greatest books I have ever read on language acquisition and really has shifted my perspective on skills, wherein, each skill is essentially simply a language where you just need to learn the key terms and symbols and really nothing else exists other than that.

I’ve been looking for a job again, I may have gotten one at the “Wood Group”, which is a place I have worked for before. Essentially it is a mental health facility for people in crisis and I would be the intermediary for intake and care of the clients that we end up serving. I really would like that job because it is more mental than physical and the physical parts are also super easy to do. Last time I worked there, there was a lot of downtime which gave me a lot of time to study and do the things that I want so that would also be a pretty big boon for me in general.

I also got offered another interview with a place called “Vexus Fiber” which I am assuming is a telecom company that distributes internet services residentially. Not very sure what the job entails tbh, it might be a sales position or a customer service position, either way, I have a large amount of experience in the computer science world and the world of physics so it would be another very easy gig for me to handle.

I need to work out more. I was thinking about making a page with a bunch of different exercise posts and what they are for. That way I can keep track of a plan, as well as, all the videos I need in order to fulfill it. It would also help in general because I need to make a physical therapy regiment and that would be an excellent place to start.

I want to make another page where I review the short films I watched before, that way I can more easily formulate expressions of review off the top of my head in general when speaking to others.

Probably it is, that I should also create a page dedicated to poetry that way I am able to practice writing thematically and with eloquent speech in general. It has been a long time since I wrote any poetry however, so I will probably need to review some before making my play at it again. I guess that means I should also make a page dedicated to other’s poems that way I can review them and keep track of the ones I enjoy.

Last night there were a bunch of tornadoes all around Texas, I think they said that there were 28 total tornado’s, I was staying at the shelter so they made everyone go downstairs for an hour or so until the tornado warning was passed and the all clear given. Other than that, not really much to report on. I think creating separate pages for different concepts will honestly be the best way for me to begin writing down those things I wish to remember and practice upon or review later on. So, I think I am off to go and achieve as such and make those pages.