Daily Journal

Haven’t worked on math or read a book in a while. I have been so busy getting this site up and running it has taken an aside. Since I can sleep in now I seem to be tossing the early morning hours in the trash lately too, so that’s something I need to work on. I also usually work out in the morning, which I haven’t been doing so I need to also start working out in the morning.

I have gotten a lot of content going on my website though going, hoping to see that I have been approved for google adsense, would be nice and inspiring. I have a worksheet of what to work on on my phone for the website so I am probably going to power through that then just work on math and start reading books regularly again. Once I have all these sections fleshed out it will be easy to review the books I am reading too so it’ll be a pretty solid foundation for all my works.

I’m not gonna write out the things I plan to do because I have already done so on my notes app. Yesterday I went to the eye doctors to collect my other pair of glasses, it has been a few months since I went there to collect my second pair of glasses. I always thought the lady that took my measurements for it was really beautiful and I assume quite intelligent due to her workspace. I was surprised that she remembered me, and she said it was because the situation. If she hadn’t of said that I probably would have asked her out, I wanted to, but couldn’t muster the bravery about it. I really have no ability to move forward in that faculty, if the woman isn’t going to be brave and ask me I am just going to assume its a no anyways. It would be nice to have someone in my life but I am so used to being alone I don’t really care to change it at this point either,

At night I usually talk to the guys for the 2 hours before bed but I am going to have to not do that anymore because it is getting in the way of my growth. I would rather read books and get there in the worlds of them than talk about a world that is doomed anyways. I really just don’t regard highly the social construct anymore because everyone is allowed to be themselves except for me and I am not going to submit to the will of other people. It’s pretty unfortunate but I really could care less about it, I already have my foundations set and this world has nothing to do with me and I nothing with it.

I have been having a lot of sex and romance dreams lately, last night I had one too. I was with a group of people going around killing other soldiers and then I wound up at this lab that we were supposed to take. Once we got there there were two women, and I had started to interface with their devices using my leet hacker skillz. They didn’t believe us that we were foreign adversaries so we showed them the bodies of the men we just killed and they started to quote scriptures at us, then I quoted psalm 118:8 and the verse that states that soldiers don’t involve themselves in civilian affairs. Well somehow when we got back in the place, for some reason a romance developed, then the whole compound turned into a community and it seemed as if by another foreign group with different intentions. We were honestly looking for a place to have sex and then everywhere we went started to transform into schools and places of study basically. I offered to give them a collection of digital books on algebra and trig, but they seemed uninterested, they were guiding the both of us and then it seemed as if I had been duped and I was on the outside of the compound without any of them, surrounded by a bunch of homeless people. I just decided to walk all they way back to the compound and I did, but instead of walking, I was suddenly on a motorcyle and the woman I was with was on the back of it. I asked her to close my water bottle and was worried she would fall off so I was shouting when I would go.

Then in the dream I arrived at the compound seemingly I had thought with her. I went swimming, exercised and showered up, then noticed that she wasn’t with me. I had assumed she fell off the bike a long time ago but I didn’t think that was very likely. She had apparently fallen off just before our arrival and then she showed up again while I was frantically searching for her, and I ran up to her crying about how I thought she had fallen off and we hugged and comforted each-other, then I woke up.